


Living Underneath The Surface

by butimbroken



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-01-08
Packaged: 2018-03-06 17:11:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3142232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butimbroken/pseuds/butimbroken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buffy/Angel. Angel in LA after leaving Sunnydale behind. COMPLETE.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living Underneath The Surface

_**How Long Have I Been In This Storm** _   
_**So Overwhelmed By The Ocean's Shapeless Form** _   
_**Water's Getting Harder To Tread** _   
_**With These Waves Crashing Over My Head** _

Angel grabbed his notebook, writing a few quick words down and trying not to think about anything for a few minutes. He missed Buffy, and that was an understatement. To feel as though his entire body was ripped into pieces might be more accurate.

He'd picked up the phone so many times. He'd wrote her letter after letter. He hopped in his car countless times. But none of it ever went anywhere.

He'd listen to her say hello a few times then hang up. He would fold the letters up and put them all in a pile and hide them away. He would just sit in the car for hours.

He remained lost.

_**If I Could Just See You** _   
_**Everything Would Be Alright** _   
_**If I'd See You** _   
_**This Darkness Would Turn To Light** _

Angel knew his pain would go away upon being near his again love, to just go back to Sunnydale, back to her. To beg her to forgive him for leaving and to take him back. Angel knew he'd feel better, his heart would heal.

But only for so long. Only until it broke all over, only until the world fell apart around them once more. The same reasons for why he was here and not there remained. And they were not going away any time soon.

_**And I Will Walk On Water** _   
_**And You Will Catch Me When I Fall** _   
_**And I Will Get Lost Into Your Eyes** _   
_**I Know Everything Will Be Alright** _

Some days, some moments, ones like this... he almost didn't care. He just wanted to return to everything he knew, everything he loved.

_**I Know You Didn't Bring Me Out Here To Drown** _   
_**So Why Am I Ten Feet Under And Upside Down** _

But he would hold strong, hard as it was. He would think of Joyce coming to him, he would think of his turning back into the monster Angelus. He would remember the horrible things he had done when the demon was back, running the show. Angel would think about all the things the young slayer deserved, and all the things he couldn't give her.

It didn't mean it made things any easier.

He knew she had to move on, she had to be as normal of a girl as she could be. Angel knew she deserved some light in her life, not only darkness. And that was all he was.

He needed to find his own happiness, though not perfect, somewhere as well. He couldn't spend his life guilty, hating himself for holding her back.

_**Barely Surviving Has Become My Purpose** _   
_**Because I'm So Used To Living Underneath The Surface** _

So far, that plan wasn't going so well though. You know, with the moping and all.

He didn't feel anything really, other than overwhelming sadness and confusion. Being so back and forth on his own selfish wants and doing what was seemingly the right thing.

So he just went on. One undead day after another. 


End file.
